Reflections

A paragraph in my old blog said

So part of the change is that I am getting rid of the Beached Whale hat.  It’s too negative.  It maybe one of the “downer” things that put me out of kilter so I am changing my blog name to reflect something that’s truly more me – its who Ive been for the last few years and why I didn’t feel positive enough about starting my original blog with it is probably one of the things that has been holding me back.

So here I am in my new little part of a bloggers world.  Here I am with a new determination to not neglect my writings nor neglect the things my body and my mind tell me.  Here I am not only going to write about my weight loss ups and downs but just about life in general and things that interest me too.  

I thought it would be a good idea to reflect on 2015 first because I know that there's a part of me that needs to see in writing all those good and bad things that have seen me through the last 12 months.

Christmas Night 2015

I started the year off coming home from an amazing holiday.  Christmas 2014 in Calgary in the snow with my good friend Heather and her husband. New Years 2015 in Las Vegas with Deb and I roadtripping to Arizona, California and Utah and then a few days in San Francisco staring at Alcatraz from Fishermans Wharf because I hadn't realised I should have brought a ticket months in advance.  Reflection - I want to do more travelling

This set me up with the realisation that if I wanted to travel more I needed to lose weight  I was 141 kgs and not looking good health wise.  So I kick started my weight loss goals. I look back at my first blog post.  I was determined to lose 42 kgs in 12 months.  Seriously??? Did I even truly realise how hard that was going to be?  Reflection - seriously unrealistic goal setting.

Te Aro Toastmaster of the Year

I found a new Toastmasters Club to join.  In October of 2014 I resigned from the Toastmasters Club I was attending because I felt it just didn't fit with me.  I was invited to visit another club by a friend and there I found a club where I knew I would fit in.  I joined the committee in July and am now VP Education so I spend a lot of my time organising others to do speeches and other meeting functions.  I completed my first award, the Competent Communicator and in December was voted Club Toastmaster of the Year which humbled me as I hadn't been with the club for even a year. I've now joined a second club which meets only once a month and potentially this year I may join a third. Reflection - Toastmasters could become an addiction lol  

I kept myself busy - going out more often than not, attending meet up events, toastmasters, boot camp, centergy, football matches, cricket matches - in fact anything to get me out of the house- my sister commented on more than one occasion - oh you're never home - Reflection - I hate being at home alone.

I sat down with my People Leader at work and let him know how unhappy I was in my job and that I needed something more challenging and something that used my brain and skills better otherwise I might just have to look at leaving.  It wasn't an ultimatum and it wasn't taken as one.  The way my job had changed over the last 12 months from what I originally was employed to do to me was a step down back into administration oblivion and I just didn't like being where I was. I don't want to quit because for the most part I love working for this company and I really enjoy some parts of my role.  The good thing is that the company has put personal development down as one of the priorities for everyone for this year and so a plan has been put in action which will see me transition into a step up role by the end of June 2016.  Reflection - It never hurts to ask

I finally sold my family home back in my old home town.  It had been rented out for the last 8 years and it was the last link to my old life that I knew I had to get rid of.  I didn't sell it for exactly what I would have liked but that would have cost me more money to achieve. Money that I just didn't have to hand.  Spend money to make money - meh.  I didn't get enough money to use as a deposit on another property in the area I did want to live in so I have spent some of it on travel, some of it on others, some of it on me, some of it not very wisely.  Reflection - I need budget help

I started to think about dating again.  I joined a couple of online dating sites and tried speed dating. I had a couple of blind dates but nothing much has come out of it apart from finding a few new mates who are football mad like me lol.  I guess most men just can't get past my weight to see how much of an awesome person I really am.  I do have my "man friend" and while he's a semi regular feature around my place we both agree that we are "not having a relationship" and this isn't permanent.  It's nice to have him around when we both need some companionship.  Reflection - Do I really need a full on full time relationship?

I found out that my ex is dating a work colleague.  That knocked me for a six. I burst into tears but that was more for the shock I now understand.  It took me a few weeks to get my mind around that. I said to myself and to everyone else that I honestly didn't care but looking back over things that I have said and done between then and now I think now that I did care because I believe that this was the catalyst for me losing my mojo back in June and giving up on my weight loss and lifestyle changes.  Funnily enough Facebook Memories moments keep coming up with moments about my life with Jason and now I realise that actually I miss the house in Martinborough more than I miss him now. Reflection - I got through the grieving and survived with my heart intact.

I went travelling again.  This time first to Sydney in Australia to meet more facebook friends and also to  head to Bathurst to do the V8 Motor Race.  This was one of my things Ive always wanted to do in life moments (and no not a bucket list - im not in a position where I need a bucket list in life lol.)  I was in petrol head heaven.  I spent the whole day walking around race watching, people watching, sight seeing and getting up the top of Mount Panorama to see Peter Brocks shrine.  I also went to Melbourne and stayed with wonderful friends and did the David Bowie Exhibition.  Reflection - Two days in Melbourne is nowhere near enough and I want to go back again.

Christmas Desserts

Christmas came and it was so different to usual.  No cooking a large formal roast meal for the usual dozen or so people that I would invite for Christmas lunch when I was home.  In fact apart from Logan not wanting to spend the day with Kieran and I it was one of the most relaxing Christmas days I have had here in New Zealand in a long time.  Kieran and I were invited out for a Champagne breakfast that never finished til 11.30am and so came home and relaxed until we decided that at 3pm we were hungry so I just did ham on the bone with roast veges.  Dessert was saved until 7pm when we went to my sister Katrina's place to share with her.  Reflection - I don't need to become a 5 star Michelin restaurant at Christmas

My last reflection is me

I was taking down the Christmas tree last night and realised that underneath all the lights, tinsel and decorations the poor thing was dying because I hadn't looked after it properly.  I hadn't taken car of it by watering or feeding it.

The same has to be said of me.  Underneath all the makeup, hair colour and fancy clothes is an unhappy body and mind that needs to be fed and watered properly so it is looked after.  I need to feel more self love as part of my lifestyle change.  Only then I think I will get my real Mojo back and strive to be better mentally, spiritually and physically.  I need to work on the "I don't need to feel lonely when I am alone" moments when I am home alone in my little flat.  I shouldnt feel the need to have people all around me and no I don't mean in the case of being the centre of attention but just feeding off the comfort of having others around me.

I started 2015 weighing 141.3 kg.  I ended the year weighing 136.4 kg.  I had lost 12 kgs but I put back on 7 kg.  Overall I have lost 5kg.  That is a positive so I will take it as one.

So I hop on a plane again tomorrow.  Back to Australia for another week.  This time to Brisbane to catch up with my friend Maureen who moved there last month and then a few days back in Sydney to see a football match.  Liverpool are bringing out their Legends - Ian Rush, Steve Gerrard, Bruce Grobbelaar, Jamie Carragher and others, to play an exhibition match against the Australian Legends.  To most of you out there these names mean nothing but these guys were my football idols growing up (not to mention my first crush on a sporting celebrity was Bruce Grobbelaar lol)

When I get home it will be in time to celebrate another birthday - and I will spend the day with family and friends under the hot Wellington sun having a BBQ Pot Luck Lunch.  Then it will be time to reflect on some of the questions above and start the planning for the next few months.

Happy new year everyone.